Susanna Basile clinical psychologist and sexologist. I deal with psychological syndromes; specific phobic disorders; psychophysical, emotional, sexual and food addictions; addictions to both behaviors and substances; psychosomatic disorders; psychophysical trauma and panic attacks.
Fear of losing control: the Bach flower Cherry Plum and philophobia or the freedom to love whoever you like
When you have too much control, you eventually collapse: Cherry Plum spontaneity and the freedom to love whoever you want
What is self-control? An ancient term that is sometimes out of date because today we are all based on the ego: what I represent, what I am, according to my family, my studies, my profession, my loves. The Self and its mastery represents everything that influences us without our knowing it, it is everything that is buried to our rational knowledge and that is then completely disregarded because “something” has told us to do differently.
The Cherry plum types according to Bach Flowers, apparently calm, are those who follow the rules, both in the family and in society, but then they are actually people full of anxiety, with a strong inner tension generated precisely by the fear of losing the control. Cherry Plum which is a reactive essence, has a need that comes from other personality characteristics and that are exacerbated and carried to excess, exploding when you least expect it and you expect it, even you unaware family, friends and the like.
They are unable to tolerate frustration because they are rigidly educated and have no space to express basic emotions, they are filled with negative feelings and when they explode they go directly into violence, anger, fury and paradoxically into repentance, above all, into recrimination. “I regret what I did: I shouldn’t have behaved like this”, they tell us, in therapy. The fact that they tell us about it during therapy allows us to admit that there is a part of us that has not been told, but which is expressed anyway, through feelings of explosive anger that are not part of our usual nature but which instead “simmer ”And that at the first ignition of the fuse they explode without us being able to do anything to suppress them.
In therapy they are “good” behaviors because something happens, sometimes the change and probably the Self-mastery begins. Of course, all this presupposes that the therapist is master of technique, trust and empathy towards the patient. He is also master in the use of Bach flowers. Objectively speaking, that is, without the mediation of a therapist, Self-Mastery does not act in this way: if we listen to it when it recriminates, flinches or gets sick in a chronic and inexorable way, we can respond, we know what it is or what it is. we delude ourselves that we know it and even there we remain in control. Maybe. But the family members, who normally see us as quiet compliant, including fathers, mothers, children, and ex husbands, mothers-in-law, ex-mothers-in-law, members of extended families and so on, when we go crazy, we say this also in therapy, they think we are strange, or “outside”.
And yet there is also for this reason a coding, a classification: the quiet type “always” quiet who goes crazy when the measure is full and there is no more! Know that in psychology there are two major types: type A suffering from cardiovascular disease and type B suffering from cancerous diseases and type C suffering from autoimmune diseases. Type A expresses their anger, anger, and fury towards the outside world and therefore for this “lineage” with cardiovascular diseases. Type B expresses their anger towards the inside with cancerous diseases.
In reality, type C does not exist since autoimmune diseases could be attributed to carcinogenic diseases, since the meaning is that: an overproduction of substances that our body not only does not need, but failing to dispose of them, they become harmful. The difference is that type C tolerates processing and takes longer than type A and B but in the end the goal basically always has a suicidal purpose: it’s just about the speed with which you self-destruct: fast with a heart attack, medium with a cancer, slow with a degenerative disease. Having said this according to an analysis dictated by scientific texts and by a plausible and subjective circumstantial preparation in the field of somatic psychology, distancing ourselves from any type of medical diagnosis as it is not within our competence.
Why then call it Self-control and not self-control or better yet loss of control?
In fact, the ancient use of Self-mastery concerned people who distinguished from the rational ego that manifested itself externally and from an irrational SELF that manifested itself internally. So who is the real ME myself?
A hybrid between the I and the SELF? And how much of reason, instinct and soul do I find there?
The Cherry Plum type cannot bear frustration, inner oppression, is afraid of their own instincts, going crazy or making terrible and irreparable gestures, is afraid or terrified that the mind will lose control, has a stiffness and a feeling of always be out of place. He is suffering from mental fatigue, has a vague suicidal tendency, more for an attitude of clamor and a continuous fear of being vulnerable with a cynical, very radical-chic absence of empathy: like “The others are shits”, excuse the Frenchism adopted.
His inner malaise is often generated by moral and ethical codes that are not really accepted and internalized that overwhelm naturalness and impose an overwork of containment on the mind. Even contempt and sarcasm, which is profoundly different from the irony that allows us to face the events of life with detachment but with a profound lightness, is permeated by a pervasive anger without solution of continuity: they are capable of embarrassing their interlocutor without questioning him, offending him irreparably.
The use of the Cherry Plum flower is found in the dynamics of excess control which then results in the loss of control. But this presupposes a therapeutic path of functional psychotherapy where the therapist accompanies the use and the possibility of change to manage the unconscious instances that instead want to come to light to be resolved, leads to a repression that Cherry Plum is so skilfully able to dissolve. It eliminates all misconceptions and gives sufferers mental strength and confidence. While taking this flower together with a combination suited to your personality, attention is focused on the body rather than on the mind, remaining present to the sensations, rather than thoughts. It is typical of maniacally perfectionist people or of those who have an external order brought to the spasm that no one can dare to touch their personal belongings. They have more perceptions than the average people.
It is as if they saw things in 3 dimensions, if they refer to something they have seen or heard they speak about it in spatial terms, considering the subject from different angles, as if they were endowed with a three-dimensional perception. So what could be better than using their perceptions in a functional way?
Many Cherry Plum subjects are able to see the Aura. The Aura is the energy emanation produced by every living being that surrounds its physical body. It is often referred to as a bio-luminescence surrounding the body. We are constantly living in an ocean of Energy that we relate to through our Energy body. Imagine the ability of the character Cherry Plum to experience sensations outside the norm that gives him the fear of being crazy, as he feels different.
He self-compresses and exerts a strong self-control over himself, as he thinks that if he made others aware of his condition they would take him for a deranged and an unbalanced one. Nice company. But the strong self-control they manage to exert on their instincts soon lead them to the point of exploding, which is why Cherry Plum types think they will lose control in such a way as to commit a madness, a serious act, a rash gesture. Due to the unconscious pressure of their fears, the habitual behavior they exercise is always adequate, staid, in the norm, they give themselves and others an image of stability, normality, reliability.
They do not want and are unable to open up completely, they maintain a part of distrust, mistrust, reserve towards whoever is next to them. By originally becoming the rebellious child, who ultimately chose to be adapted and often can also be seen physically, that they have adapted, are breathing badly and are fatigued in their daily lives. Theirs are dynamics born of disappointments endured during childhood, from feelings of mistrust, insecurity, which are well disguised, and which they are unable to let go of. This is why they are subject to unexpected mood swings. In the presence of stress, their moods are characterized by anguish, despair, and extremely harmful self-destructive habits.
The less disturbed people present anxiety, logorrhea, hyperactivity, hypercritical, are often repressed for fear of revealing their unconscious conflicts. They accuse their family members of not paying attention to their needs and feel devalued by others, often devaluing others as a reaction. The control of the unconscious drives often takes place with difficulty and at the expense of the physical somatizations mentioned above. They are people who work in jobs where they keep a low profile: they are subordinates and do not accept responsibility, always because they are afraid of not being able to maintain tension. A characteristic syndrome is that of a panic attack: the person is afraid of losing control, he believes he can go mad, of committing dangerous acts for himself and for others, this sensation causes somatic instability, they accuse nausea, palpitations, tachycardia, symptoms that appear for no apparent reason.
They have an obsessive-compulsive behavior due to trivial stimuli they fear and cannot control. They can be affected by stuttering, obsessions, obsessive rituals, they can be masochists and sadists in alternating phases, bulimics, alcoholics, drug users and drugs beyond all limits, they can not contain themselves in anything. They are people who insult, shout, beat, aggressive to the point of murder, suicide. These people accustomed to excessive control can develop chaotic and uncontrollable and incurable autoimmune diseases such as Alzeheimer’s disease, or Parkinson’s disease, diseases that are a real chaos at the level of cell reproduction.
In cellular reproduction as an excess of energy, we can insert the sexual energy of which Cherry Plum types are producers and are often unable to use it. Sexual energy must be channeled. Repressing it only produces inner tensions that need natural expression. Charging this energy with a sense of guilt produces an implosion that generates internal tension and, since this tension must be channeled, it then ends up producing aberrations of various kinds, up to the point of violence on oneself and on others, because in the act sexual relaxation and spontaneity is assumed, excluding control.
The Bach flower Cherry Plum appropriately conveyed in therapy gives: courage, spontaneity, and the energy that manages to bring out one’s inner light, relaxation, domination over unconscious emotions, tolerance of suffering and the ability to face even the most stressful events. The new positive state enables the person to face the most difficult tests, with a great ability to know when to control oneself or to let go, when it is better to postpone or face situations with balance. You will be able to acquire mental clarity, you will be able to let yourself go by abandoning excessive defenses. We will have the awareness that even the negative and destructive forces, which frighten us so much, will be part of our growth process, which includes lights and shadows. When we have accepted all of this, we will release the tension.
One last note do you know about philophobia? Philophobia (from the Greek “φιλος” (love), and “φοβία” (phobia)) is the persistent, unjustified and abnormal fear of falling in love or loving a person. A consequence of philophobia is sentimental anorexia, which would be the lack of desire, in this case both sentimental and sexual. The philophobic subject experiences bouts of depression (or extreme violence like our Cherry Plum) because he is afraid that in the future he may be hurt by the other subject towards whom he feels love, but at the same time he feels a sense of physical and moral attraction in the towards man or woman.
Conversely, the feeling that you experience when you feel a feeling of love towards another person is a pleasant loss of control of your feelings and your space-time orientation, as if time and space were expanding. With Cherry Plum properly administered and psychotherapy a person who experiences the anguish of being able to lose control of himself, his body and his emotions who will always have perceived this sensation in an excessively threatening and unpleasant way and who will have always tried to annihilate it. and / or reduce it in any way, will find a new way of facing their fears through therapy with Cherry Plum and other Bach flower combinations.